Socien's Blog

I was once told that men are confident when they have money during their dating phase of their lives. That they feel they must not only pay for bills, but risk paying more where they should go for less or no payment. I did not take this as entirely a fact until I started taking dating seriously. 

When I first met with one lady in the town I blew a fifty around our meeting. I had made upgrades to my wardrobe, two days before to avoid wearing the same of my nice garments with then my photos on Facebook. I would then take us to a better restaurant. This meeting did enough to communicate to her directly and indirectly that money was (as in the standards of my country) there and it was not money in partnership with issues. (My second-hand fifteen-dollar shoe looked expensive, and everything I wore going upwards balanced atop of this sound footing).

I skipped a weekend, deciding rather to meet her on a fortnightly basis while having some room to breathe. To compensate for my not seeing her on that weekend I asked for a video call. This request was met with a counter-request that I fill up her mobile data subscription for the call to happen. (She was doing her job attachment, a University student, and was not being paid where she worked). I opted for the highest mobile data package our career had for WhatsApp. I did this in seconds following the request, but so by forking out all I had earned for that week after offloading timber from a truck.

The following week I blew another sixty in and around our second meeting. (I had earned US$539 in the previous year (2022), a figure which would retreat to my second highest annual earnings by as late as August 2023). For a single man who have been trying to come up with an earning personal blog for seven years, failing and failing to give up, 2023 was the likely year of takeoff than any year before.

But now I had shown her, escalating my restaurant standards each time we met. There was no way she was not to ask for some help with her hairdo bills. Shy, about this, as I delayed the money, failing to have it in my hands before posting it to her, she resorted to staying offline. The very following week was a busy one. I tried to sell my Tablet PC for as little as $30, but would fail to find the buyer. I would then use her offlineness as an excuse, but proof that she was avoiding me and she was up to someone else.

I pulled out of a relationship I had decided to settle in during the it’s fifth week. I sensed that my problem was I had let my money (which I didn’t have) decide which girl to go for instead of me doing the deciding. The result was I saw an expensive girl out of a person who was willing to be instructed into loving me as poor I was. Precisely a year ago, a Nigerian University student sold his kidney to afford buying an iPhone 14 pro for his girlfriend. The problem? Us men are and have been groomed to be money confident. Without money or with less money we feel we do not have any relationship at all. We thus strive harder to build “money relationships” and not to build relationships.

During our time together she had asked me about the source of my income. I simply diverted us from this topic but made her feel that I was all good. When I told her it was over I chose to say, “all the things I’ve said to you are true, except that I don’t have money for your hair do”. She had no idea that I was pulling out because I had no source of valueless masculine confidence, money. (Beauty and money are all valueless where there is and must be the actual love. When you truly love someone, beautiful becomes one who loves you, not the face and the features going downwards. In fact, love do not require sources of confidence for it to exist, but we mistakenly consider the sources of confidence as the sources of love).

Women on the other hand, home being the starting point, are groomed to value beauty as their starting point. Online women go viral in bikinis, not in space suits as if being beautiful is an achievement and exhibiting that beauty is another. Women are surrounded with information and portions of brainwash pointing to beauty as their source of confidence. As a result they waste themselves trying to be more and more beautiful. (In doing so dating women spend money on men in subtle but big-buck ways. So, dating is a wasteful activity  to both men and women, financially. To men dating it can bring a downfall to women it prevents an actual financial rise).

The more the beauty the more confidence as a dating lady has. She will certainly walk out of relationships not aware of this fact but utilising this fact as an asset. She may have the guts to declare that he is not my type, and move on easily. She know her value in her beauty to the money confident. So, if men should be bidders then so be it.

When beauty confidence and money confidence meet, interact as two to have a life together, forever, each is looking to improve on its source of confidence not on both the lives of the to-be one entity. Money swallow beauty and beauty can swallow money, and this can even happen in the absence of true love. In this meeting man develop fast “I should be the one providing for us”, whilst women retreat fast to “I should be looking good”. Both forget to feel good and be happy, and will never make it up to their potential.

The two are not only building a way of thinking that pinpoints the woman as a dependent and a “docile helper” but they are cementing it so that it can last the entirety of their togetherness. When these two finally become one (married) the money confident man stays so while the lady is caught up in confusion, to attempt to give up beauty confidence or to stay somehow as is or to attempt balancing both. This confusion is aided with constraints like cultural beliefs to make it harder for women to liberate themselves from beauty confidence. The emphasis on beauty is not bad, but having it as the only thing to focus grounds women, and make it harder for them to live up to their potential. (I recommend balancing between both, and men should water a little bit of their handsomeness, too).

When married you are somehow protected by marriage. You are no longer with so much competitors on your partner than before. This somehow for ladies should provide the reason for giving up on watering beauty confidence and switch to money or balance between both. Now in lesser economies (less developed countries), your biggest financial aid is not likely to be the bank. It is mostly people you call family and loved ones. These are people who possibly give you transfusion of a room for failure and help. When you have help and helpers who allow you a room for failure to help you again and again, you have higher prospects of succeeding. You will need to fail to learn and fail more to learn more. A bank loan when you fail, you will have to lose the property. Again, you have to have some property to begin with.

Better earning husbands should be the greatest source of support to their wives so that they can be both money confident. But they can’t be this. A way of thinking is all over us. All will have to depends on these questions:

• Are married women ready to have some business ideas lined up, or they are dependencies by choice?
• Are married man up to the fact that both the husband and wife can become providers?

Where money is, more money is likely to be attracted. It’s rare that a man looks into his past and start to interrogate his former self: “You had more means to utilise to make more of it, but you only utilised one. You had two beings you and her to make more money out of what you had but you could not put into full use the two of you. Your problem was that belief that you are a man and must work money and be the only source of it.” (The very reason why divorce can be painful to man is a chance missed. A chance to make more money with the now former wife that was not utilised).

A higher dependency load in Japan is thanks to the fact that a higher chunk of the population, about a third or so, is aged. It is a segment that ceased to take care and must be taken care of both directly and indirectly. The younger citizens must work and get taxed so that the aged can be given free or cheap medication, recreation, sheltar, food, etc. and pension itself. This dependency load is an extinction of one of the world’s vibrant but subtly and effectively vocal economies.

The existence of a higher and often not to be measured dependency load in lower and lesser economies is not only thanks to limited jobs and job opportunities. It is also thanks to the restrictions on women by cultures and mindsets.

Suggestions to the dating men and women

Since there is need to enter marriage with a working money making formula that will not pinpoint the wife to dependency status, start early. Begin by settling for finding means to uplift each other financially before you go further into your relationship. You need to be both open to each other in telling the stories of your lives. You both benefit from knowing where each one of you is coming from and heading to.

A business-centric relationship committed to cutting costs, is a Holy Grail to both your financial growth come marriage. Don’t fake betterment when hardships must be faced. You are made strong through huddles than smooth gliding, worse when they are smooth and pretended. If you get the chance to get involved into what your lover is going through early, you’ll stay better and mutually involved in the future.

It is better to build the bond that is not through what is pretended because it too is a true bond that cannot be easily be washed away by mishaps. True love does not have to drain you or leave you behind. Claim your benefits early. Build relationships on the foundation of transparency. You both have to stick to the original you and not forcing in garments you do not feel comfortable in just to impress.