We fall and stay in love not because we deserve each other. It is never about having much in common. We want in love because we learn to flatten our differences and embrace our togetherness. This is what I (28) was telling my girlfriend (25) as we passed by the monumental tower in the centre of the park in Harare, Zimbabwe. The tower was erected by the Settler Government to commemorate the heroes who lost their lives in the Great War.
The past three weeks have been tense for us. I had kept myself in an unforgiving mode. On the Socials, I was barely responding or commenting on her WhatsApp statuses. I was not calling her either. The meeting on this day was, therefore, all about my grievances and finding means to solve them. As we briefed each other we realised that the big problem was that when we started in August 2023, I loved her and she doubted. I poured my everything from that point on.
As late as November 2023, that’s when she realised that I was the real deal. That of all the men on planet Earth she cannot live without me. That was late. I had already lost faith. From that point on, her love for me was on the rise while mine for her was on a declining trend.
Needless to say, around twenty seconds after I almost boycotted the meeting, I said to her I love you. She cried as she kissed me slowly. I occasionally wiped shallow streams of tears from her cheeks. She was happy and I felt relieved of the burden of trying to let her go. If felt my confidence in her rising.
The World War 1 memorial tower and the saying, “a heart is like a tree it grows where it wants.”
After we had solved our issues. I took my girlfriend to the buses. We passed by the monument where I delivered a mini-lecture embedded in this article’s introduction. It occurred to me that the mini-lecture was a great article idea. So I weaved my way back to the tower after her departure. I paid a photographer to steal the shot out of the “no cameras zone”.
On the top of the tower, there is a marriage of two negatives happening there. Plants that need a water table and actual soil to reach their full potential are hanging cluelessly above like they are hostages. They are not hostages. A Shona proverb (moyo muti unomera paunoda), suggests that our hearts have this similar behaviour. You must fall in love not because your vision on this planet will have its best chance to grow. You fall in love and stay in love with one because s/he is the only person to whom you chose to give your heart.
Therefore, love has a downfall effect. The tree on the tower finds itself trapped in hardship. Its roots are limited. Yes, its roots can crack the building but it can’t have the privileges that are for trees that chose to grow on the actual ground. Its root system is shallow and is far from the water table. The whole plant cannot grow.
Dream high. But be ready to deliver what love demands. It demands that you choose to have your ideal image of a girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife lost so that you can love the one you have. This is what the tree on a building does. It chooses once and flourishes forever even if it is to look like a seven-month-old tree in size forever.
Don’t waste yourself trying to find a perfect match. Love the one at stake. Don’t doubt the one you have. Friends and family will always tell you that s/he is inadequate. They will use the information you fed them once to determine all you have to do about your relationship.
You are not going to find one with whom you are compatible. Love yourself and love your lover. That way you invent compatibility.
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