Socien's Blog

It certainly never appeared to me that there was and there is anything that bores me the most. Well! I have it. It is boring to stay the same without success as I envision a greater me in the future, a future that never comes. Waking up with the same ambition over and over for seven years and still fail to have its fruits in my hands is boring.

Temporarily, I panic. I freeze some projects hoping that starting a new one or restricting my effort on one will unlock a breakthrough for me. As the panic continues I may again return to a project I gave up on and start over. I feel confident when I start over because each time I do I feel like I am more experienced. I get bored at the end when success stays far from my reach.

In comparison some people I know who were never committed as I am easily made it to their success in a short period. This makes me feel lost sometimes. I feel useless when I realise that I have nothing to show for all these years of effort. I feel useless when I recall those small errors I have made in the past, errors that delayed the coming of success until now. I feel the pain when I realise that in the future I am not safe from making mistakes that will delay my success.

Occasionally, I comfort myself with encouragement. I get back on my working terms and do those things that get me closer to my success. I put my all in and forget that there is no reward coming soon or during this year.  Days after this return to my working term I start to get bored again about the delays in the coming of my success. I spend at least a day broken down.

I guess we all go through these cycles. We are broken down, we motivate ourselves, we hope on it, do it, fail and get broken down again. The most important thing is to give up on giving up. Success is not in a weather chart. You cannot forecast its coming. That is why we all need hope.

We need hope to help us achieve those things we failed to achieve through our kids. We need hope to persevere when the path is nothing but pain. We need hope to fight on when we do not feel like it. We need hope to recover each time we are broken down by loss, failure and stress. We need hope to learn from our mistakes and failures.

I learned that we fail not because we are inexperienced or less talented. We fail because it is a human feature and not a bug to fail. I have been learning a lot. I have been improving. From a boy who couldn’t pass English GCSE after three trials to one who can write an article like this. Of course, this is not an article to brag about. I get bored when I think of it that the actual success I am looking for, that is money, is still far away.

• How did I become a blogger?

But improvement is a success. Changing from being worse at it is a success. A marathon runner waits for up to around two decades before he can be part of a televised marathon. We all have to wait. Each improvement is a success in itself. It takes days for them. It takes years for me. We are different. I love that.

I am getting less and less bored by the fact that I am not yet “money successful” because I have realised that money is not the only success we came here for. But I am still bored by that fact more than anything.