Socien's Blog

We do not understand why some people cheat in relationships until we are left with that option. People may cheat because of reasons deep inside what we know as lust and infidelity. But they mostly do so because of one thing: Inadequacy.

Let’s put this conversation between you, as the innocent one, and me as the cheater to avoid tangling things up. So, if I cheat you because you are inadequate to me it means you lack some qualities, presence, attention, features and whatnot, that I so desire to feel loved. Remember also that most people do not know what they want until they lose it.

When you are inadequate it means I can’t be satisfied by you for some reason. I have an example here: I (25) fell in love with a young church girl (25), and her faith was what I was looking for in a future spause. Her major inadequacy was she happened to be there to wait for a kiss once married. You know, it may be a sin to kiss before marriage. If you are not aware of the debate on kissing or not before marriage read this or google search it.

Although I didn’t cheat on her, I was fighting to get out of a relationship once in December 2023, January and February 2024. In 2024, she pressed that we stay together, shedding tears and saying that she would commit suicide if things were not to move in her favour. Needless to say we never broke up and I have learnt to stay in a premarital relationship almost free of kissing.

What happens is for reasons known and unknown the would-be cheaters find it harder to break free from the people they would cheat on. Once married it becomes even harder to break free from inadequate partners. So, married people cheat in a bid to find what they lack in marriages without breaking their marriages. However, cheating does not automatically give them those things they lack. It is like fighting for freedom through gambling. You are likely to lose more than you are likely to win.

Those who are cheated on count the time they have put into their relationships, commitment and money. They forget that they have inadequacies that make their partners feel unloved and cheat on them. I am not defending cheaters with this one either. Some inadequacies are only imaginary and too natural to be changed through artificial means. These include body shape, education and background, hobbies, etc. This group of inadequacies is only a fault of the would-be cheaters. Some inadequacies are in reality. You may argue if my girlfriend’s preference for a kiss only once married is an inadequacy in reality or my imagination.

Peer pressure, the nature of one’s work, a toxic or minimal sex education, beliefs, and a feeling of superiority or inferiority may cause inadequacies. We have never been taught formally and in our homes how to be adequate to our lovers. So we all think that once we are married wedlock is all we need to keep all things secure, and our lovers entirely ours. When kids become part of our lives we let this phase delete love while elevating only mothership and fathership in us.

I suggest that we understand the minds of cheaters before we are cheated on. You don’t fall in love expecting to be cheated, but it is also important to know what to do in your capacity to prevent being cheated. It is also important to know that some solutions may not be within your means, and just like anyone, you cannot be able to prevent cheating when the time comes. You can’t forge the shape of your body. You can’t be a party girl if you love a peaceful and sober life. If you are cheated on, move on. Before you are cheated on do not stop your current partners from saying goodbye. Be strong.