Socien's Blog

Some relationships are boring before marriage and amazingly sparkling afterwards because of one thing: Love respects the truth. Boring people do not have to fake anything about themselves. So being their true version gets their premarital partners bored. But this bug may become a feature that makes their love life fascinating after marriage. Stay with me to understand how I got to this subjective conclusion.

After two and a half year break, I fell in love in August 2023. The impression I gave to the lady was all was well as far as my finances were concerned. I had the nerve to impress her when the wallet couldn’t allow. I sacrificed my dreams including this blog which otherwise could have stayed with its original domain name hope27.com but had to miss the subscription date thanks to my expenditures on my dates with her.

But she didn’t impress me back. I looked at her and saw a two-ply dress covering her body, its collar going around her neck tightly as if to choke her to death. Thanks to her wardrobe issues, hugging her wasn’t distinct from hugging a punching bag—a ceremonial ritual done to make her feel in love. She seemed not to want more than that hug, and her gospel-packed playlist was free of any love song.

More to this was her preference to be seen on Saturdays like a concert for civil service workers. At one point this preference pulled for us twelve weekends without seeing each other as she had attended an all-night prayer session on the Friday night (4 Saturdays). She was also left with a baby to take care of by her sister (1). I was broke (2) but I offered an alternative that scrapped the CBD restaurant and it’s bills, that was visiting her place and walk down the road with her. I was also at work (3) but proposed to meet her on a Sunday or any other off day of mine. My dad also died and I had to visit his rural home to mourn him (2) and comfort his widow.

Beyond all this was a strange relationship I had not witnessed before. Having grown up watching Hollywood movies including “Midnight Sun” and “The Notebook, 2004,” a kiss was not a thing I would go without in a relationship. Now I had met a church girl, a woman who had values against kissing but rather decided not to day it. This had implications. Each time I told her how much I longed to kiss her she could go for a day without responding to my messages and calls. I thought she hated me. But simply she despised the idea

The man before me had ended things with her, criticizing her for being overly proud. I believed she had room for growth. It was a two-month journey before she, under my guidance, began to text “good morning, love” rather than a simple “good morning”. Additionally, it took half a year into our relationship for her to change my contact name on her phone to “My❤️❤️” from the impersonal “Socien”.

After those twelve weeks of not meeting, we met in December. On 03 and 05, I made my maiden pilgrimage to her location. I was just delivering the money to cover her ‘period cravings bill’ and an umbrella gift, respectively. On 03 January she said she was fasting from 01 January to 04 January. On 05 January she said she had extended her fasting to 10 February. I suspected this prolonged fast was a pretext to deter my newfound routine of visiting her. To me she epitomised the ultimate ‘boring’ girlfriend. She was 25, a College student who had excused herself a couple of times when roommates came in with boyfriends. How could she be so anti-privacy? She was bringing to me a picture of a girl who loved to be seen in the middle of the town, in a restaurant and in a City Square park. That way no man on this plannet could predate on her with kisses or something more. Yet at that point I had fallen in love with some girls before and had not slept with any of them.

Her deep affection for me became apparent only when I expressed my intent to leave in late January. Overwhelmed with emotion, she wept and threatened to end her life. This caused me to hesitate, and though I attempted to leave again two weeks later, I retreated once more. Ultimately, she sealed our connection with a kiss in an effort to maintain our bond. Despite this, it was not enough to rekindle the love in my heart.

I confided in an elderly gentleman about a challenging situation I was facing in my relationship. It felt like a stalemate; I couldn’t find a way to move forward, and she wasn’t receiving the fulfilment she sought from me, as my feelings for her had waned. The man recounted his journey with his now-wife during their courtship and shared his perspective on the matter. 

One thing makes your lover boring, that is you having a canvas painted all over about what an ideal premarital relationship is like in your mind. Then all of a sudden, your lover fails to fit into your expectations and guidelines of an ideal lover. But beyond the reach of this canvas is a fact that most boring girlfriends and boyfriends are real. They don’t fake being rich, being capable of delivering physical affection and so forth.

Marriage introduces a stark reality where pretenses fall away, revealing true natures. Indeed, deception can be a common courtship tactic, with men sometimes embellishing truths to charm women. Women may adorn themselves in styles that don’t reflect their true tastes, while men might spend beyond their means. However, as the courtship concludes, the facade fades, and authenticity takes center stage. Relationships often falter when the strain of maintaining a false persona becomes too great. Ultimately, sustaining a facade can lead to losing oneself and the relationship.

Marriage marks a profound shift from previous life stages, transforming the behaviours of both partners. Pretences become unsustainable in this new chapter. Choosing a spouse who has consistently been authentic turns out to be advantageous. While it’s not necessary to be boring in a relationship, there is merit in being ‘functionally boring.’ This implies a focus on personal growth and career advancement, rather than allowing a relationship to consume all your resources and energy.

It is also good to be a “boring person” who is not scared of relating his/her past to the one s/he loves. It is also important to communicate your boundaries to the one you love than to think that s/he will guess them.