Socien's Blog

I (28) fell in love with a lady (26) last year when we both were a year younger. The following experience slowed down the relationship, making it my worst since I started dating. It was boring beyond explanation. Yet I persevered, imposing myself as a teacher while she accepted a teacher role later during the progression of the relationship. But despite this I finally decided to move on. I can tell you from this experience that sometimes we give up our relationships at a time the other partner has managed to catch up with what we wish for in a relationship. This makes the departing partner a ready product which can only be something to enjoy to the succeeding lovers.

She became the first girl I fell with who believed that kissing before marriage is a sin. Yet she never said it. But rather created conditions and setups that ended up creating a distance between us and spending at one point 12 weeks before seeing each other while staying in one town. This she did it to avoid meeting me in places where there would be some privacy to let the kiss happen. In my county a kiss is an item imported during the colonization of Africa and you can’t easily do it in the corner of the street without getting in trouble. Yet despite this there was still openings in her sister. For example, the other day we were the only two passengers remaining in the backseat. She almost changed to a new seat.

But considering my girlfriend was a student at a University where Western influences were ripe she might have encountered students kissing in every corner of the buildings and roommates requesting that she vacate the room so that they could have some premarital sexual activity with their boyfriends. The problem was not about her writing for the Christian marriage official o declare that the bride be kissed but her not saying her boundaries. In other weekends where I was broke I preferred to visit her less crowded home area. This visit would scrap the CBD restaurant options and the expenditures involved as I explained to her. She couldn’t let that visit happen and when she did she was fasting. Fasting involves abstinence at its best.

I had openly told her of what I thought to be her values and how she restricted seeing me in areas of the town where it would be impossible to kiss her. To downplay this fact, she asked me to visit her home on April 18, 2024. She, however, came with her sisters three-year-old son to the road despite her sister being at the home to babysit the remainder of the brood. Other than her unwillingness to kiss she also had an array of minor bugs. No love song would entice her, no matter how good and non-offending the language of the song was. She loved that we could talk in call for more than an hour during the night but her sole input in the call were words and phrases like it’s fine, it’s okay, alright, nothing and I don’t know. These phrases also infested into our face-to-face conversation and instant messaging chats. In case I was to throw any humour at her. It’s taste depended on how she played her part (you can read about humour in the last article under the relationships category).

It took her seven months before she could save my number as “My💕❤” graduating from my impersonal “Socien”. For the first six moths each time I touched her phone my pictures were not there. You might think what I have thought. She was in love with someone else. She wasn’t. When I tried to walk out of the relationship in January 2024, the truth about her love for me was revealed. She even threatened to commit suicide.

One time when my phone screen stopped working, culminating into two days without any exchanges. I then took the phone to the repair shop and the screen was immediately replaced. I couldn’t find from her a missed call or a “Call Me Back” SMS which you can send for free in my country. She was the type of girl who could go silent forever when you do. But sometimes silence was brought by some other things. In September 2023, I had pulled her closer and forced my lips onto her. She was fighting the kiss off all the way but it took me three months to realize that this had happened.

Now, from early September 2023 to December of the same year, I send to her the message “I miss your kiss” three times. Each of th time I did so a day could pass without hearing a word from her, me being alone in the chats telling her how much I miss her and love her. All of my calls remained unanswered following the “k” word. At one point she posted a

Her dressing was way back. I just wanted her to be herself to wear her stuff but the best of it. She was not going to be a mini-skirt girl and I never wanted her to change because of me. She covered her her voloptuos figure with layer of clothing leaving little for imagination. She covered all her body up to the collar bone. Hugging her was akin to hugging a bundle of blankets,with her thick two ply garments masking her feminine figure. I didn’t want her dressing to be revealing either but I sure hopped to see a modern flare in it.

There are so many things to mention about this relationship’s faults that require more than a blog post. Yet as time passed I managed to turn a conservative church girl into a reasonable one. In April and May 2024, I protested visiting the town, saying that I was broke. To see me, she finally agreed to visit the place I stayed. Coercive measures like this were used in conjuction with softer approaches. I taught her how to answer calls, to type messages and moved in to help her with her wardrobe. She had transformed rather quick. Yet I decided to give her up and end the relationship for good.

I can use my experience to conclude that some people give up their poor-performing partners at a time they finally accomplished changing their partners into what they would enjoy loving. There are chances that you can get an annoying and boring person you do not find worth to spend your entire life with, but a person who truly loves you.

By design we are not good at investigating how much you are loved before. We rather let ourselves feel loved or not. This create chances of falling in love with someone you can’t feel loved by but who truly loves you and is willing to change his/her ways and beliefs entirely to keep you forever. That makes it possible, even if it is difficult, to change that person into what you wish for.

Since change, as a process, is slow to those waiting for it and rapid to those who want nothing from it, you are likely to lose hope before everything is done changing. Besides, you might have had built a blot of stereotypes and a bold characterisation of your partner that is hard to re-write in your mind. So, in the end you give him/her up at a moment everything is now ripe.

Seem like a story of La Rochelle. The men at this fortress were fighting against the French empire in a war by simply keeping themselves inside the walls. Hungry and locked out of food supplies they ate horses and grass. The men at La Rochelle eventually had o give up. In fact they gave up two days before a storm that might have wiped out the French fleet and impose them as victors.

By falling in love with someone you have a higher chance to change that person than anyone else. If you feel that there is something positive lacking you might just use your influence to create it. Do not give up at a time you have done all it takes. Someone else will reap the field you sowed.