Socien's Blog

There is no way to set apart a good decision from a bad one in most cases where you make a decision hoping that it will lead to something positive. Even when that decision does not lead to positive outcome, the intend makes it a good decision. These are the statements I lined in a Socratic discussion with my brother. The discussion started when I said that a sister to my friend’s boyfriend is a victim of teenage pregnancy. She then decided to avoid any form of affectionate relationships from the age of 19 up to now. She is now in her early forties. After providing this backdrop I asked questions to which my brother replied. His answers gave me more questions to ask.

My brother simply concluded that she didn’t make a decision. Let me explain his argument. You see, you are said to have had the results when you passed. To him, a decision with no results is no decision at all. I interjected pointing out that the way he had defined results using a second definition of the term, the first being any output to effort put in. The amount of effort does not have to matter, even blinking an eye at it is effort. I added that unlike with results, the assessment used to get to know whether a decision was poor or not is very subjective. The intention behind the decision is the only way to weigh it. The intention should not be to harm others. If it happens to include harming the decider, it must be so in anticipation of better rewards ahead.

At this point, we had not agreed on whether a decision can be classified as no decision or not. He penned a note, “When we make mistakes we evolve into better versions. The condition to this happening is when we decide not to run away from the realm where mistakes related to the said realm are possible to happen but deepen ourselves into the realm. This makes one a master of himself and his past. In this manner, running away from the realm becomes no decision at all. Because we cannot mention someone who surrendered in the battle of self-improvement, hence cowardice to have made no decision at all.”

It took me hours to get the sense I his words. He was saying we need mistakes to evolve into better versions of ourselves. A realm is one of challenge. You face a realm of trying to learn a new skill, concluding your teenage without being crippled by the pressures of adolescence, building a stable relationships, emerging from poverty and so on. In these realms there is a pre-state and which invites one to make a decision. For instance, vulnerability is a pre-state to one trying to build stable relationship. A post state includes conflict resolution or giving up a relationship. What connects a pre-state and a post-state is a decision. We agreed on this. However, my brother treated giving up a realm as non-decision. To him mistakes can only lead those who choose to stay to evolution and fail those who give up. Post state is an achievement and never giving up.

Of course, some realms are toxic and deserve giving up, or according to my brother, non-decision. You can’t stay forever, for instance, in a marriage that has shown all signs imaginable that it was never meant to work. Courageous decision to face an unimaginable difficulty is required for growth. For the path to mystery is not found in opting out of struggle necessary for it.

Here is the analogue.  Imagine learning to swim. The “realm” is the deep water. Mistakes such as sinking, spluttering, you name it, are inevitable. Evolution that is becoming a swimmer happens only if you decide to stay in the deep water and practice “deepen yourself”. You not only learn from each mistake when you expose yourself to the challenges, but you also expose yourself to more ‘controlled’ mistakes so that you can learn more as well. Running to the shallow end or getting out of the pool to entirely avoids the mistakes preventing you from ever learning to swim. Dissertation is surrendering the battle. It is not to be seen as a real decision towards swimming mastery. It is, beyond doubt, a non-decision, an act of cowardice in the face of the necessary challenge.