Socien's Blog

Your very own beliefs, mindset, ideals and values, no matter how distinct they are, are compromised by others’ own beliefs, mindset, etc. It’s a negative compromise, whereby these items are punished by society until you give yours up to tally with the society, social hurts. On the other side sit social goods. When beliefs, mindset and values are in tandem with what the society regards as ideal, the society will reward you with motivation, encouragement, assistance and acceptance.

Put yourself in the situation of a woman who sees no harm in marrying as late as 35 years but living in a high-density suburb in a low-income country where marriage happens too early. The prevailing beliefs and conditions make it harder for her to delay it until that age. Her society would start to advise her everywhere she goes that she is ripe for marriage at the age of 18. Her catchment area will start to resist her charm as years pass. But mostly she will be ruined by fears of her not ever getting married at all. She rushes without ideal selection criteria.

A female plumber advertised her work on social media, attracting a good number of leads. Upon answering one call, the woman on the other end of the line asked whether her husband was around. “No, he isn’t,” the plumber answered, “what message would I pass to him?” The woman on the other end reluctantly said that she was looking for a plumber whose click-to-call advert she had clicked. Upon knowing who the true plumber was, she ended the call with promises of a future task which never came.

This conversation revealed that the caller had not bought into the idea that a woman can be a plumber. But if such calls are the majority of the calls she gets from prospective clients, it can lead her to question her life choices. Being a woman does not make her a bad plumber. The perception of society does. She has started the trade with the belief that any woman can be a plumber. But now she can’t recommend it to any girl child who inquires from her about practical courses she might take.

Motivation is one of the social goods. You harvest it from society when it believes in what you are doing, and that you are the right person to do it. To know whether you are the right person to do it they look into details that are not competent by definition. The society refuses to nurture what it sees as an anomaly in its path to progression. This makes ultra-success at an individual level harder to achieve. Even the dearest ones in your life refuse to give the slightest psychological and emotional support once you project an anomaly. This is why it is encouraged to reveal nothing about your intentions on your journey to success.

There are two types of anomalies. The most negative being the likes of crime and all the things that deserve to be treated with corrective measures. The other is on the positive, it deserves to be nurtured because it serves the world. It brings solutions where the world seems to be lost. The society punishes both. It sees both deserving to be hammered until they are correct.

Buchanan, the only American president has much of his history written in a speculative ink that casts so much shame on his name. Had he married at once in his career, things could have been different. But none among those who punished his name remembered for once that he had lost a lover early. None understood the pain of losing a true soulmate, or what it meant to fight all your way to the first office.

This act of punishing both anomalies may also, on a mixture of both positive and negative note, gets unlike individuals together in love, crime, business and so forth. One lady told me that she felt her church dedicated 10% of its ideal woman preaching to the concept that a woman has to be a virgin until marriage. She was going to feel at home with this message had she not lost her virginity before she joined. Upon joining the church, she fell in love. Everything connected well. But for the fact that her boyfriend kept repeating her intentions to be in a closed room alone with her until marriage, she walked out of the relationship. This happened despite her being drunk on the idea of only marrying a churchmate. Her current husband is not a churchgoer, and they have a good connection.

I am not saying being not a virgin is an anomaly, but to the group she calls her church it is. The group was willing to punish it. The torture one gets when anomalies on them are not reversible or in within their control is unbearable. The most vulnerable are women, children, the disabled and targets of body shaming. Those with visions to achieve greater things out of the scope of the society’s perspectives are also punished severely. But because standing with your vision is a matter of a decision, some chose to reverse out of their dreams just to be accepted in their society.